A bouquet of groceries in a takeout carton, held together by an oversized red paperclip.

Official NoticeNO. 007

Your Groceries Have Been Reclassified as Ingredients.

Following a review of your refrigerator, the department confirms that you have purchased the components of several meals. No meals are currently available. Assembly requires a clean pan, forty minutes, and the person you believed you would be at the grocery store. That person has ordered takeout.

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Request DeniedNO. 006

Your Request for a Date and Time Has Been Denied.

RE: Making plans with someone who is definitely down.

Your invitation has been met with enthusiasm, which should not be confused with availability. The other party would love to. They are so bad at checking this app. Please keep the next three weekends open while they determine whether Thursday is a day that happens to them.

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