A smartphone trapped in an hourglass pours red sand onto the table beside a closed umbrella.

Incident ReportNO. 009

One Notification Became Forty Minutes.

PURPOSE: Subject picked up phone to check the weather.
INCIDENT: Subject viewed a kitchen renovation, a former colleague's wedding, and a video explaining how to stop using the phone.
OUTCOME: Subject put phone down with no new information about the weather.
STATUS: Still dressed incorrectly.

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Request DeniedNO. 008

Your Request for a Longer Weekend Has Been Denied.

RE: Additional time to recover from having a job.

Our records show that you were granted two consecutive days. Saturday was used to recover from the week. Sunday was used to anticipate the next one. This constitutes full use of the available time. Please report on Monday prepared to describe your weekend as good, thanks.

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