Two tiny red deckchairs huddle beneath an umbrella between towering filing cabinets spilling paperwork.

Request DeniedNO. 008

Your Request for a Longer Weekend Has Been Denied.

RE: Additional time to recover from having a job.

Our records show that you were granted two consecutive days. Saturday was used to recover from the week. Sunday was used to anticipate the next one. This constitutes full use of the available time. Please report on Monday prepared to describe your weekend as good, thanks.

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Official NoticeNO. 007

Your Groceries Have Been Reclassified as Ingredients.

Following a review of your refrigerator, the department confirms that you have purchased the components of several meals. No meals are currently available. Assembly requires a clean pan, forty minutes, and the person you believed you would be at the grocery store. That person has ordered takeout.

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